questions unanswered

Urban Drum Crew

it has really been fun for the pass few days :O gigs and exams are finally over plus hanging out more often with my buddies! 😀 really fun although its jus the 3 of us! 🙂

today supposed to watch Jennifer’s Body but due to some circumstances, we ended up at Ehub in Pasir Ris playing pool and arcade! spent like 7bucks at the arcade! guess wat! 5bucks was to the toy catching machine RAWRR. stupid machine! cheat my money! :O

discovered another thing today, i wasnt really happy with my attitude today and also the way i express myself. im loosing my temper every now and then. seriously dont like to wait for people like time after time. sometimes too much just annoys me :O but cant help it, all i can do is to try my best to help him 🙂 somehow i must start drilling myself to think of positive things here and there. :O &sometimes its better to live in denial. :O *sounds emo here*

didnt expect feelings of regrets to fall upon him somehow, like seriously. after confiding with him just now while waiting for the bus, things jus feels like its crumbling down stunned-speechless.  started to think like how ive been treating him all these while, was it too nice? was it bad? was i using him* (in terms of carry bags, print this and that)? feelings of guilt started flowing in.. guessed i havent been a good girlfriend i supposed.

was jus wondering if he did it out of love or cos he was jus afraid of my ‘reactions/expressions’ thats why his doing all these for me. sometimes i just simply cant figure out. so many question marks in my head now. i do fear alot. whether or not is personally or relationship. in fact, i fear alot in relationship terms, like.. if i do this will he be upset? if i do that will it affect his feelings for me? :O mann. its really tough not to fear sometimes.

just felt that theres this gap in between us, (lack of real communication i guess?) like although we’re seeing each other quite often but i dont hear him calling me baby and all these few days also,  telling me things and what he wants and what he doesnt like about. yes, the truth hurts but time would heal all wounds. all in all, i jus need to change. ):  going thru such a period aint easy at all. in fact, if you were in my shoes, i suppose many would jus run away from the problem. however, i wanna face it! i dont want the gap between us to grow even wider and wider. we jus need more heart to heart talks somehow.

problems that mounts up will tear things apart, but i dont want it to ever happen. trying to savage this relationship every now and than. *thumping my heart; its aching inside*

I WANT TO BE A BETTER GIRLFRIEND FOR Ben!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  😦